I invite you to reflect now during this challenging time…
There is less space and activities to do around us . How do you reconcile your “me” time when the whole family is always close by? What can we learn from the past which can inform the future?
This is a story from a few years back and if you have ever been a single parent or you are now, you may relate! I look forward to hearing your own wobbles and laugh and… breathe!
I have never learnt so much from these moments that grab you by the throat and make you think “ Why am I here?”. Both were very solitary wobbles, but with life accelerating and kids growing, I am now in full swing of wobbles involving others. In this case, if you haven’t already guessed – children, mine preferably. Recently, I got into wobbles when I felt the following conflict;
It’s Sunday morning;
Mum, 50: dreaming of a relaxing Sunday, wishing to go along to the ‘Mind, Body & Spirit’ show to find some inner peace.
Son, 8: wants some entertainment preferably with mum as she is still his favourite toy. He doesn’t mind too much what we do but preferably something that involves moving, jumping or watching a film.
Daughter, 16: wants to buy nice food at the supermarket at 10am every Sunday. She loves to be organised and often thinks the house is rather chaotic.
Mum: starting to feel guilty for wanting her own time but trying desperately to have her cake and it. What about going to see a film and then go the Mind body etc, and shopping on Monday instead of Sunday – is that possible?
Son: *hesitant but compliant*: OK, Why not?
Daughter: not saying…
Mum: assumes daughters not interested. Takes son to the cinema, by the time the film is over, they are both hungry. In the middle of Freeport in Braintree they stare at Pizza Express. Hunger leads them to the well known store and the project of Mind Body spirit collapses like a pack of cards. End of story, I wish! *sigh*.
Resigned but feeling a pang of guilt of not having taking daughter to Pizza Express (she could have come to see the film with us but she refuses on the basis that the film did not have enough good reviews, calls the indignant mother’s voice).
Now feeling full, both Mum and son casually enter house. Daughter is munching some pasta (with no sauce) and there is a bit of tension in the air, daughter says she has been waiting for their return to go to the…
Wait for it…
The Mind Body Spirit show.
Mum is now feeling lost! It is now too late to go to the F***ing Mind & Body show. Now the Daughter demands to be taken to the supermarket instead, Mum complies.
At the supermarket, two beautiful individuals with two completely different agendas, still try to make it work. There is a game of table tennis between the two and Mum can not cope and walks out. Daughter is baffled and starts shouting, Mum keeps calm but the guilt has completely taken over her mind, body and her spirit too.
Later on, Mum and daughter go on a little walk and airs their differences – the adult today is not Mum but daughter, Mum still a little girl who on her own with two kids and is just trying to do a decent job.
What to learn from this story which I now found hilarious: that is wisdom for you!
- Never assume anything! I had assumed that Lily did not want to go or was not remotely interested in the Mind body Spirit show and I was rather surprised that she even considered that.
- Respect each other’s routine: buying food once a week is comforting for Lily and she likes having some of her favourite things around.
- Appreciate each other’s differences: I am so proud of my daughter’s sensible nature, not quite sure she likes my spontaneous and rather chaotic one!
- If conflict, identify patterns and seek help if necessary, there is more that meets the eye and this might be the topic of another blog.
- Talk things through but maybe a little bit in advance, so that we all have to think what is best for all of us instead of a potential shouting match.
- Choose a film that all children like, this story would not have started if the film had been better chosen.
By the way, never choose Pizza Express , the food was OK but not worth the whole hassle! Damn! I miss going to the restaurant in lockdown! Please comment under the blog.
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Helene is a dreamer, a poet, a trainer, a coach, a mother, a daughter. She is passionate about helping others overcome their fears of speaking, in meetings, in social situations, in public and to speak up. She will help you to shape a presentation and to practice so that you can be your authentic self and speak from the heart. Book a discovery call here.
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